Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
