i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
