Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
