I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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