I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
