I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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