My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
