i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
