I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize