and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize