I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
