but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
