He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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