you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
