god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've blown a few things in my day
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina is officially offended.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
