I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
