Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
