Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
