i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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