So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
two words: eviction party
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
