just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm passing your future prison.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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