Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
