They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you win again, gameday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
