I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
