hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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