i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
