I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
