Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
