I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
