i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
