Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
