So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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