so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
