we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
