if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
