You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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