Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
