What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
