it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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