i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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