My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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