tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
