You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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