You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
