this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
