I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize