Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
