i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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