I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
