I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
