I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
