ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
