you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
