Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
