my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
