Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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