just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
