I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is wine microwaveable?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
