dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
