Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
