Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
