i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
