I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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