Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
