That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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