i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
