1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
