Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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