So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
